Buying a Red Cedar Log from a transitioning Transgender Person

I consider myself an  accepting, politically correct person. I teach Juni not to stare at anyone. To celebrate our differences. Realize it's those differences that make this world beautiful and interesting.
So imagine my surprise when I found myself stumbling over my words and struggling to peel my eyes from a person different from me.
Jasen had lusted over a gigantic red cedar log in the front yard of a blue house on the other end of our road. I know the question...what would one do with such a log? The answer is simple, if you are a proper Redneck. You take it to your buddy, who happens to have a mobile sawmill, and make boards. Then you dry the boards for months, then you create furniture. My husband crafts some of the most amazing furniture. He's a perfectionist, so he'd argue with me, but I love what he creates. But, as usual, I digress.
I wrote down the number for the person selling the log, and called. The man who answered said his name was Julie. Okay. A little odd, but who am I to judge? Juni isn't exactly on the top 100 list of names for 2006.
We talked price, and I told him I would drop by and pay him that day. And then he kept talking. About what I'm thinking are inappropriate things for someone you've never actually met. His divorce. His kids. His job. His age.
Shit. He's going to flirt with me when I get there. Not a good situation. Especially with Juni in tow. But Jasen had his heart set, and I knew I had to suck it up, grow a pair, and knock on the blue house's door. I saw his neighbor in his yard, so I felt safe. Plus, I told my ginormous tree guy, Dallas, where I was. Just in case.
I walked up the steps, and knocked. The door opened, and my jaw dropped. I couldn't move my eyes. I couldn't think of words, or get them out. This is not going well. Not well at all.
Here's what opened the door: a person towering over me at a good 6 feet tall. Man feet, without shoes or socks. The largest hands I've ever seen in my life. Larger than Jasen's, my Dad's, even Dallas'. Short, permed hair. A hot fuscia, short sleeved, mock turtleneck sweater. Makeup from 1985...we're talking blue eyeshadow, hot pink lipstick, and enough blush to cover four faces. Perfectly smooth skin.
And yes...my eyes had to check to see if there was a package. Nope. But, as my sister informed me, there is such a thing as tuck and tape. Who knew? Julie also had giant boobs. Perfect boobs. Obviously fake boobs.
Did I mention this person had the deepest voice I'd ever heard? Yep.
"Ummm...I'm looking for Julie?"
"That's me. Hold on just one sec. I'm giving my mom a perm."
"Ummm...Oh. Oh. OK."
Internal thoughts "Oh my friggin lord. This is insanity. If Jasen only knew. Oh holy Hell. Dallas has to come over here and get the log for me. Geeze. Can he handle that? Poor Dallas...such a good 'ol boy."
Juni noticed nothing but the old dog and kitty inside the house. No mention of the obviously transitioning Julie.
So I paid the money, got in my car, and dialed Dallas. He said he'd be there in 45 minutes to check out the situation.
The situation, as it turns out, is that Julie liked Dallas. A lot. His name used to be James. And how he is becoming Julie. Dallas was obviously being hit on. He couldn't figure out why.
But I could...he's a tree man. And his truck's license plate says...wait for it... okay, this is so good you have to again... his license plate says...

LUVWOOD