Mind Games

I've never been big on mind games. But what my mind does to itself it just plain ridiculous. Anytime I feel boated, or get the slightest nauseated, or feel anything even the slightest bit like what I felt when I was pregnant, I psych myself up into thinking I'm preggers.
And that's not a good thing. The panic sets in, the shakes, the sweats, the not being able to breath. Today I didn't eat enough breakfast before taking my morning pills, and that can upset my tummy. So of course, right before lunchtime I get hungry, and my tummy doesn't feel so good. So I spent the last hour fighting the panic attack. Once I began to sweat and get scared because Jasen isn' home, I realized it was time to take my medication. My doctor lets me decide the dose, up to a certain amount, so I took what I thought would be enough to knock it out. And the medication dissolves on my tongue. Forty-five minutes later, the panic attack has passed, and now the meds are working SO well I'm thinking another baby would be cool.
Today I hate my brain. I know it's impossible for me to be pregnant...birth control, timing, everything is just perfect for no mistakes. But still. I couldn't talk myself out of it. And that's absolutely infuriating to me. I have a master's degree, and can't rationalize and reason with my own brain? What the heck is that?
About and hour after taking my panic medicine I crash, and desperately need a nap. So hopefully, I can snuggle up in the chair with and just catch 20 minutes of sleep. And since he just climbed into my lap and yawned, that's my cue to get the heck off of here and try to rest. I'd just like tell my brain that I'm sick of its mind games. They're not fun. And it's just not playing nice.