Up at 4:45 am because of the Fire Alarm

I despise our smoke detectors. I realize they serve a very important purpose. Jasen's childhood home burned to the ground because its renters drank a case of beer and left the grill on while they made a run to 7-11. But despite their purpose, our smoke detectors drain 9v batteries, and only beep that ear-piecing ring signaling a dead or dying battery in the middle of the night. Of course I never remember to stock 9v batteries since the detectors are the only devices that use them, and we end up listening to the beep for half a day. I thought that was bad. Until yesterday morning.

The smoke detectors went off full force.At 4:45 a.m That's right. It was still dark outside. I woke up immediately, and gave Jasen a swift slap to the side to wake him up. The alarms screeched for about 30 seconds and then stopped. Huh. We still can't decide if it was one or all of the alarms, but at 4:45 a.m. it not only doesn't matter where that sound is coming from, but I also did not possess the consciousness to differentiate between such possible origins.
Both of us sat straight up in bed and began to climb out just as the alarms quieted. Curious. They beep once every 10 minutes when the battery is weak. And if there was a fire, you'd think they'd scream for more than a half-minute, considering the repercussions. After a few minutes of debating its source and reason, the alarms sounded again.
This time, Jasen popped out of bed and began to walk toward the bedroom door. They stopped again. Jasen, naked as a jaybird, now stands underneath the fire alarm, his hair standing straight on end, eyes bloodshot, and the sound of his stubby fingernails dragging across his hairy legs as he scratched himself irritating my ears like wet sandpaper to skin.
I couldn't help but laugh. It really was a sight. A sight to see, now that's debatable. But nonetheless a sight. Jasen peeked in Juni's bedroom and found him still sleeping soundly. He then tapped the guest bedroom doorknob (like they teach you in elementary school) to see if it was hot. I keep this door strategically closed because inside lays a massive disaster of crafts in progress.
The alarms keep going off every few minutes. Jasen pulls on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, trudges downstairs and checks every room and the outside perimeter of the house. There is definitely an absence of fire. I'm laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face when I point to the attic.
Jasen stomps outside to get the ladder, waking Juni into a terrified screaming fit. The only thing I could think to do for him was to cover his ears with my Hokies ear warmers to muffle the sound. He's now yelling "Daddy! Don't get burned in dat attic! Dem loud fings say there's a fire!"
So now Juni is wearing earmuffs and yelling about his Daddy burning in a fire, Jasen is flipping through the fire detector instruction manuals, and I'm asking if we should call the fire department. I realize there's no fire, but I also realize these alarms are hellbent on ruining my morning and I'm honestly out of options and ideas at this point.
And then the noise stops. Just like that. Crisis over. Charred remnants of house averted. The alarms blasted one more time at 8:45 a.m. and Jasen changed the batteries that afternoon. They've been silent ever since. But I still bought 16 9v batteries at Home Depot. Just in case.