Zoo Boo: Fantastic and Craptastic, all wrapped into one

Last week Jasen said he wanted to take Juni to Disney World some day. After our outing at the Zoo Boo today, I'm beginning to think we may not be the Disney type of family. Here's why:

We waited to get into the parking lot for 20 minutes and bitched the entire time. What we didn't realize was that the parking lot was full. People were parking in the field and walking to the zoo. We're not a fan of crowds. Or lines. The day was not looking good.

We faced a 10-minute walk to the entrance gates. Within 30 seconds I stumbled into a hole and tweaked my back.. Lovely.

We waited in line to get tickets. More bitching. But Juni and Evie danced in circles the whole time.

We waited for the costume contest, and, you guessed it, more bitching. At this point Juni had grown tired of his tractor costume and decided to join the bitch-fest. We'd brought a wagon, thinking we could pull him in his costume. Nope. Juni didn't win the contest, started to cry, and I realized the judges couldn't even see him with the fat-ass standing in front of us.
I have a confession: I may have wanted to win the contest more than Juni. I'm an adult, I can see my faults. Ridiculous competitiveness is one of them. And I still believe Juni's costume totally rocked out more than the mailbox that won. Seriously...a mailbox?

We decided to see the zoo. With Juni in the wagon, and me toting an over sized Case International tractor costume made out of multiple cardboard boxes and four rolls of duct tape. Was it cumbersome? Absofrigginlutely. Was it light? Nope.

Juni spilled his juice in his wagon and sat in it. Lucky for us he really didn't care that his left butt cheek was soaked in red sugar water.

Jasen pulled Juni in the wagon most of the time. At one point, he turned around, began walking and made roadkill out of Evie, Juni's (almost) 2-year-old cousin. She wasn't hurt, so we all laughed. Of course Evie cried out of embarrassment. And Jasen grovelled to get back into her good graces.

Juni wanted to go on the train ride. Of course we had to wait 40 minutes. At this point Jasen was so over the situation that he hiked back to the car. And called 23 times wondering why it was taking us so long. After the 2 minute train ride, Juni and I headed to the front gates.

Of course Jasen couldn't pick us up in front, so we started walking. Less than 100 yards from the zoo, Juni announced he had to pee. Bad. I laughed. I couldn't help it. My feet were aching from my boots (part of my cowgirl costume), I had a headache, I was starving, and just generally whipped. We made it to the car and made an emergency stop at Wendy's.

We hit more traffic in Norfolk and, yep...more bitching. I decided I needed Skinny Dip frozen yogurt. But here's the thing about dressing up with your kid. If they decide to ditch their costume, you're left looking like an idiot dressed like a cowgirl with pigtails in her hair. Wonderful.

I got home, cut the grass and began renovations on Juni's costume. I basically had to cut the thing in half, take out some width and length, and use another roll of duct tape to put it back together. I actually liquid-nailed the wheels to the side. At this point I don't care how tired Juni gets tomorrow night. He's wearing the friggin costume. I don't care if I have to hog-tie the kid into his wagon and pull him myself up and down the streets. He's wearing the costume.

I realized we truly are not the Disney type of family when my sister Cece made an observation about my Redneck husband and I. She said we were fine apart. Laughing about the crowds and people not watching where they were walking. But once you put the two of us within spitting distance, we fed off of the other's frustration.

The thing is, the day wasn't that bad. Sure, we waited around. And sure, I could not have possible made a larger costume for Juni (as Jasen pointed out continuously the entire day). But all-in-all, Juni and Evie had a blast. They danced, smiled and played.
Jasen asked why anyone would enjoy something like the Zoo Boo. My answer was simple: Because their kids enjoyed it. And that's really what it's all about. The smiles on Juni's face. And hopefully, that's what we'll get tomorrow night. As long as he wears the friggin tractor costume, I'm all good.