My husband has decided not to shave until April. This is not a good thing. He hasn't trimmed his hair or facial hair since September. Which means he already looks like a Yetti. This is a man who could grow a full beard before he turned 17.
Every three days I have to literally sweep up what he sheds on the bathroom floor. I'm not kidding. The man can clog a drain within a week. If I could implant the hair on my Redneck's body onto my head, I'd have that full, flowing locks everyone lusts after. As it is, I have a broom and dustpan.
Several of our friends have joined the "No Shave November" movement. But they nave short, shaped beards. My husband's beard begins at his cheeks and blends into his chest hair. He walks around with crumbs, sauce, meat, anything he puts in his mouth eventually falls or dribbles onto the beard. Not a pretty site. He says "I'm just saving it for dessert." Uh huh.
He's beginning to take his lower lip, tongue, and teeth and pull on his stache. I'm thinking a trim is in order. If the stache in included in this no shave endeavor, His lips will disappear before December.
In a few weeks I'm thinking the Redneck will look like he belongs in an unmarked white van. After a month he'll pass Si on Duck Dynasty. But April? I'm thinking he'll just be eyes poking out of curly, course black facial hair.
There are two positive effects I'm trying to remember as I'm looking at my husband's food-covered beard. No trimmings in the sink. He calls them presents. Presents that I have to clean up. Plus, no one is going to mess with us when he looks like a serial killer. In fact, people may wonder if I've been abducted by this overly hairy Redneck.
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