The Worst Pickup Line Ever: Did I Crap my Pants?

My husband is not the most romantic man in the world. Don't get me wrong...he buys me more diamonds than I can wear in a week. Before we got married, he'd bring home roses for no reason. He picks out wonderful cards. But I'm pretty sure rednecks aren't allowed to be but so romantic.
With that said, I remembered one of our first dates and couldn't help but laugh. He was taking me to dinner. Of course he was driving his obscenely large F350 teal dually. I'm thinking he must have eaten some sort of Mexican fare for lunch, or some other gassy cuisine, because he just couldn't hold it in.
Now that we've been married for six years, he thinks nothing of burning my nose hairs with his ass. But at the time, he tried to keep things smelling pleasant.
So we're driving down the road, and he says to me "I've got to pull over for a minute. I think I just crapped my pants." I reply "are you kidding me?"
Obviously not. He pulled the truck over, stuck his butt in the air, and asked me if his jeans had a spot.
Of course he didn't crap his pants. He's an adult, and adults don't crap their paints, right? Wrong.

Fast-forward about two years. We're newly married, and lying on the couch. I had my head in his lap, and smelled something funky. Being newly married, I didn't say anything, and in the back of my head worried if it was me.
The next night, I took my spot on the couch, my head again in his lap. And there it was. That smell. What the heck is that smell? Again, I went to bed and tried to not think about what it could be.
The next day I was sorting laundry, and came across the offender. His comfy flannel pants that he wore at night. Apparently, someone had crapped their pants several nights ago, and never realized it.
How can an adult NOT realize crapping their pants? To this day I seriously have no idea. What I do know is that I gingerly picked them up by the pant cuff and ran to the outside trash can. That night I started laughing uncontrollably when I explained the smell, my reaction, and my discovery.
And my redneck husband proceeded to ask me why I threw the pants away. "They were really comfortable," he said. Yea. Too comfortable, if you ask me.